So… yes, here comes the self explanation nobody asked for. I’m mexican, and I live in Mexico City; this requires a regular use of the Spanish language and an average knowledge of it; I think I don’t completely suck at it.
So, why am I blogging in English? Hell If I know… I’ve been doing quite a lot of my personal writing this way for a while now. Even when I’m doing something more formal, such as the-thesis-that-must-not-be-named, I find myself wishing I could do it in English, who knows, perhaps I could’ve finished it by now. I don’t know if this is a bad habit or just the way I am, but I’ve actually been in situations where I don’t remember a particular word in Spanish so I have to say it in English, or I just can’t find a proper way to say something because it fits so perfectly in this foreign language.
And yes, I do feel weird about this sometimes, mostly wondering how normal this is, or if I should just ditch my country and go somewhere I can always speak the way I want. But something worse is the look I get when I try to explain this to somebody outside my head… come to think about it maybe I’m choosing to write this because I’ll see no face when some lost internaut finds my babbling by chance. And that’s not even the end of it, this poor tortured soul that prefers English rather than its mother tongue majored in… Latin American Studies!
I guess English became some sort of refuge language for me, because I started doing this as a monster-teen that wanted everybody to stay out of her business,and then it just became some sort of pattern. I also know this is not related to wether I love my country or not, because I do, as well as its culture, and most particularly its history (though I’m starting to think that’s just a plus in the freak show).
Anyways, I hope I’ll continue talking about Mexico’s current situation tomorrow, ’cause today I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
P.S. Has this ever happened to you? Do you know if there’s a
circus support group I can join any time soon? I think I should consult with my shrinky, here’s a picture of him: