Random thoughts

I haven’t been writing in the past few days because I’ve been feeling like I have nothing else to say, guess I’m still in my meh phase, trapped in robot-mode, and I’m so sick of it!

Work’s better, with a little help from my partner I have managed to stop being late and go back to having enough time in the morning to get me some coffee on the way to school, which makes it easier to do my job. I think I’m getting used to it (I just started at this school in mid-August), but it’s still hard having to deal with it AND with my thesis, which is not comming to good (or not at all I might say).

The kitties are fine, getting bigger and stronger, they’re going to their permanent home this week, and I’m gonna miss them so much. With the help of meds they did beat the skin fungus, the bad news is now my cats have it and need to be medicated as well. Now that the babies are going I’ll have more time to focus on helping my cats beat it as well.

In other news, I’m thinking about quitting therapy. I’m just not sure it’s helping me anymore. The crisis keep comming and it’s been months since I felt I made some real progress. Also, I certainly could use the money; half my paycheck is going to my mental health, be it therapy or meds, and as much as I try to stretch the other half I’m just not making ends meet. It’s a very hard and unfair decision to have to choose between your mental well-being and your personal finances health, but I’m getting pretty close to having to do just that.

It does worry me that maybe I won’t be able to cope with my issues, but how not to be depressed if I’m not having enough money for my expenses? Money problems are certainly not the cause of my depression and I’m sure that even if I didn’t have issues with it I would still be depressed, but the problem here is that I don’t want money to be just another aggravating factor.

I’m just thinking out loud and probably won’t make a decision like that in the remaining time this year has left, but I am worried and it’s something that’s on my mind.

12 thoughts on “Random thoughts

  1. Ok do let’s recap, moldy kitty’s better yay.
    On track with work yay.
    Therapy costs to high… Go less??
    Not sure what kind of insurance you have but most work places have free wellness coaches that once the initial contact will talk to you prettying about anything you like. But what I know lol. Have faith and strength in your self. Realize your feelings are valid and that what ever you see you person for realize that the first step to moving past anything is taking the first step.
    As always be well, be brave, I believe in you!!!

    • Thanks Ben, I really appreciate it! My health insurance doesn’t cover mental health (and I would take a wild guess and say most health insurances in Mexico don’t, this is yet another sign that we’re still an underdeveloped country), so I have to finance myself, and it’s also not customary to have any kind of access to counseling in workplaces, so when a person needs any help in the MH department they’re pretty much on their own, it sucks doesn’t it?

  2. I’m so sorry… but I can understand the money issue. But what about reducing the number of sessions? After some time you’ll realize if you’re doing better without it or not. xx

  3. Depression is a tough nut to crack…I had a very good friend who did therapy for years to no avail. When she finally tried meds, she found that they did help her get back into her life again. Once she was stablized, she was able to wean herself off the meds and is now doing very well. I know it is different for everyone and that people have to be very careful to get the right mix of help for their situation. Sending loving energy to you…..Kim

    • Yes, I knew it was going to be hard getting my head above water, especially since I’ve been depressed the most part of my life, I just failed to consider it was going to get worse before it got better and then a little more! I do hope I’ll be able to eventually kick this thing, until then I guess I’ll continue to go on and on about it. Your energy is very well received, thank you Kim!

  4. I never had any luck with therapy. I went through half a dozen in the months before I left my ex and it was disappointing every time. I was taking medicine until last month. When I moved and changed jobs I lost my health insurance for three months. I’m not covered until Jan, and the meds are expensive without. I had a rough couple of weeks as the chemicals left my body, but now I feel the same as I did when I was on them. I’ve had to make some changes but it’s me doing it for me, not the meds. I have good days, I have shitty days.

    • I’m sorry you haven’t been lucky. For me this is the first time in therapy ever, and I’m actually pretty comfortable with my therapist so I don’t think I would look for anyone else. However I’m not so comfortable with the meds, it’s a big expense and I still feel crappy most of the time. I do get some good days though I have to say… Are you going back to the meds when you’re covered again or do you feel you can manage? xx

      • I feel I can manage without the meds. My ex had me put on them and I stayed after leaving because the doc said it was probably better that I did. I felt a bit like a drug addict, honestly, like I was waking up and going straight to pills to get through the day. I’ve managed a month without so far. They have left my body – I felt the detox, it was awful. I don’t think I want to feel that ever again. I’ve put my mind into changing my mind.

        • I’m afraid of going through the detox, and I’m so scared of not being able to cope without the meds that I think if it came to that I’d rather stop therapy than the meds. It does feel like your chained, and it sucks, glad you’re already over them!

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