The Frankenthesis strikes again

I don’t consider me a New Year’s Day Grinch, but I do wonder what the fuzz is all about. The firts day of the year is always a dead day, nobody’s out on the street, everything’s closed, and your supposed to enjoy the quietness and calm around you. Well, I don’t. Even more, this calm worries me because I fear that’s one of the reasons why Sundays are so hard on me. That’s what it’s come to, I’m feeling just a hint of a chest pain, but I’m terribly scared of what it may become as the day goes by, because it can get so strong it amazes me it doesn’t kill me. So I’m gonna try to keep busy, probably reading and working on the Frankenthesis. I haven’t finished a couple of books and I might get to that.

As for the thesis, I didn’t deliver what I was supposed to in December, and now I have a lot more work to get done by Jan 15th, and I’m not sure how exactly I’m going to manage to get it done. If only I’d type on it as many words as I have on this blog, I’m sure I would’ve finished it by now 🙄 and I have to admit I need all the cheering up I can get to work hard and maybe finish what I’m supposed to.

This time around, New Year’s Day is reminding me of everything I didn’t accomplish, of all the different ways I messed up, and all the problems I got myself into, money being the most worrying one. I guess I’m feel a little ripped out because people act as if  on Jan 1st everybody got a clean slate, and I don’t see that. What I see is a reminder that time keeps going by, it doesn’t stop and everything we do keeps adding to our tab.

All I got left, and I realize it’s a very big thing, is the hope that things will get better, and man do I need a brighter horizon to keep me going right now! Hope is the fuel that so many times keeps our engines running when all evidence says there’s no point. And today I can be thankful that I do feel the warmth of hope (however small it may be) in my heart to keep me going.

I realize this is a bittersweet post (that’s a little more bitter than sweet), but still let me take the time to wish you all a happy 2013 full of happy moments and goals achieved, and a year that brings you as least sorrow as possible! 🙂

What the Frankenthesis looks like these days.(Image credit: http://www.craftycrafty.tv)

What the Frankenthesis looks like these days.
(Image credit: http://www.craftycrafty.tv)

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25 thoughts on “The Frankenthesis strikes again

  1. I don’t get the clean slate theory either. New Years is a man-made construct. It’s not like there’s a magical fairy that wipes it all away. I still have to pay my phone bill and rent.

    I hope you get to feeling less anxious soon.

  2. I remember when I finished my masters, I had to finish a 40 page or so paper that I had taken an extension on. It was torture working on that paper and the longer it took, the more of a beast it became in my mind. My therapist pointed out that an OK job that was done was better than a fantastic product that was not done. At her urging, I would just write something that was vaguely what I wanted, to get something down on paper. Then I would go back and revise as needed. It helped me and I did survive the experience.

  3. I just finished my degree after a very convoluted year, the need to ask for an extension as well as fearing the quality of my work had been affected by illness and treatment. I used the approach recommended above, a little bit everyday and made myself do it even when I was falling apart. It worked, I finished and passed and you will do too. Keep going, keep up the practice of a few paragraphs or pages a day and at the end of each day look at them and thank yourself for the work. It honestly makes a difference but all too often we forget to thank ourselves for our achievements and this one will be yours to celebrate fully 🙂

    • You’re absolutely right, I’m too used to scolding myself for how late andawful my work is going that I forget to thank myself and appreciate what I’ve done. I wish I could go a little easier on myself! All of the advices given are definitely gonna be put to work, and they already made a difference, I’m a little more motivated and I’ve gotten some actual work done. I think the important thing is to have some progress everyday, no matter how small it may be.
      Thank you for your kind words, they’re very appreciated!

  4. I saw a tweet from “Grumpy Cat” yesterday which made me laugh (hope it has the same effect on you) “People treat New Year’s life it’s some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck today.” – funny, but true.

  5. Pingback: Writing a thesis while being depressed, mission impossible? | not all about cats

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