Sweeping the crumbs of despair

Been sitting here for two hours looking at my attempt of a draft of my final chapter of the Frankenthesis. It’s not really the last chapter, it’s the second one, but it’s the only one I’m missing. Have to deliver it by Friday so that it can be checked and read by the people at the dreaded thesis seminar. I’ve gotten extension after extension, and this is the last chance I have of delivering it. I honestly think I’m in danger of losing my tutor. This isn’t wat she signed up. She’s not my mother, nor my therapist, nor my friend. She’s a successful academic who accepted to work with a high performance student, and what she got is a depressed, washed up , insecure cry baby who can’t manage to write down a chapter without a breakdown.

If I finish on Friday, I’ll be done with my self-created monster. Not DONE done, but I’ll be on the other side, on the much greener (or so I think) grass of corrections and editing. If only I could have it done by Friday I’d have one less stone to carry around. But as I was saying, I’ve been wasting my time for two hours and produced exactly 2 paragraphs, one of which I erased. And so, I come here to whine in the totally realistic hopes that ideas will magically flow into my mind and I’ll just have to write them down.

Today was a better day though, I don’t want to sound like I’m still swimming in the same misery pond I was on Sunday and Monday, let’s say I’m just dipping my feet in those waters. Panic has receded into anxiety, and after the f*cking Science Fair was over and done with at school (something I hated so much I didn’t even blog about), and I managed to gain a small victory against the infernal online system that runs the reviews I’m working for, I managed to ease up on the apprehensive state of shock I was in.

Anyhow, I guess this is me reporting I’m back from the land of despair where I’ve been approved a resident’s visa. Lovely trip, the sightseeing is amazing. Here’s a pic I had taken while I was there, fun times!


14 thoughts on “Sweeping the crumbs of despair

  1. I’m glad that you’re back from the land of despair!

    As for the thesis, would it help to go back and read the post when you got a bunch of suggestions to help with a previous chapter? Something from those suggestions might help.

    You can do it!!!!!

  2. Writing in an academic setting is such a struggle. I hated it all throughout college and I adore writing in general.
    I hope you’re able to work out the last bit so you can get it turned in.
    For me, just writing the crap helped, as long as I just kept writing. Then I would edit it and find that I had a couple good statements here and there that I could build off of. Finally, after a couple hours, I would be satisfied enough to turn it in for review.

    Maybe that helps, even a little?

    Cute kitty 🙂

    • Thank you! It’s not my cat, it’s actually an internet meme called “depressed cat”, kind of like the “grumpy cat”, have you seen it? I just thought it was a cute and funny way of showing you guys what my face must’ve looked like this past Sunday/Monday. I love cat memes, I just have a very simple kind of humor I guess 🙂

  3. I don’t know what your writin about but I hope you manage to get you 2nd chapter done so it can be handed in. I find that if my brains switched off chocolate ice cream always makes me feel better. Lol sorry I tried thinking of some good advice but thats all I have. :/ try your best and eat ice cream.
    Seriously though, have faith in yourself. You can do it. Make a list of thigs that need to be included. Turn each thing on the list into a sentence and take it from there, good luck.

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