Can’t believe it’s been a week since my last post, I’ve been so busy with the Frankenthesis that I just haven’t had the energy to write anything else. Went to see my tutor on Thursday, and though she was incredibly nice and made me feel like I can do this, she did give me a shitload of work I needed to get done…by Monday morning! I did all the minor changes that same day, which took me a couple of hours, and then I had to wait until Saturday afternoon to be able to sit down and get to work with the heavier stuff. BF helped me that evening, I was so stressed I literally got sick to my stomach, I cried, I wanted to cut, and I think it was thanks to him that I didn’t lose it entirely.
I got up on Sunday at 6 am and got back to working. I didn’t stop ’til 10:30 at night except to pee and take a 20 min nap. No Facebook, no phone, no kitties, no getting up to get food, no nothing really, and yet I was still not done by then! Anyways, I finished and sent it by 1pm on Monday. Not morning but not really that late either huh? The thing is, I didn’t feel relieved after sending it, I was both physically and mentally exhausted, but that usually doesn’t prevent me from feeling happy after I’ve finished something I’ve been working on. Yesterday it just wasn’t the case. I think it’s got to do with the fact that when I have to focus so hard on something, I know I’m losing track of what’s going on with the other stuff I have to be aware of, like my 2 jobs!
Having lots of work helps with the not eating stuff though. I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks, and I intend to keep going for at least a couple more months. Everyone thinks I’m on a diet, except they don’t know my diet is called “not eating” 🙄 Mr. Shrinky is mildly concerned about this (he’s the only one who knows the true name of my diet) but he’s not pushing it, guess he doesn’t want me closing up on him.
I do have an appointment with N on Thursday though, and she’s always up for some how-much do-you-weight-these-days kind of talk, so we’ll see how that goes… I also have to tell her I decided to stop taking the fat pills ’cause they were making me, well…fat, and I’m not taking anything else than the ones I’m already in, I’m just not willing to risk it when I’m starting to feel like me once again. The thing is, once you cross the bridge of being so hungry you want to cry, it’s not that tough anymore, once your body gets over the fact it’s not getting anything other than liquids and the occasional yogurt, that’s when the magic really starts to happen, and I’m thrilled about it…. Reading back what I just wrote, I can get a glance of it being crazy talk, but if I can’t get it out of me in here, then where can I?
Anyways, I know losing weight is another way I’ve found to cope with life, and it’s no wonder I’m turning back around it when I’ve been feeling on the verge of breaking down, like I just can’t handle all the responsibilities I’ve been getting myself into. Speaking of which, I received yet ANOTHER job offer. A former classmate of mine who works in what seems like a fancy event agency on Reforma (one of Mexico’s City’s posh streets), contacted me. We’ve never really been friends, but we’ve seen each other every now and then at uni’s events because we were both high performance students and we’ve received diplomas and stuff together.
Anyhow, she approached me and said they needed me to be a director’s assistant, that they’d improve any salary I was earning, and offered all kinds of benefits. I reminded her I don’t really have experience in that field, and she said they needed someone who had a perfect english, was smart, quick and charming (see what I just did here? 😆 ) and they’d worry about training me. I thought about it long and hard, it was a damn good offer after all!
And what did I say? I SAID NO! I decided to keep my crappy teacher job, together with my editorial-assistant-I-love-it-but-can’t-make-a-living-out-of-it job. It’s a decision that doesn’t really change anything, and yet it feels like one of the biggest ones I’ve made, like I just made a turn I can’t undo, like….like I’m CHOOSING what life I want to live, and that’s huge! I’m deciding I’m gonna keep on fighting to become a historian and/or a consul, I’m choosing to be a writer, I’m probably choosing to not have a lot of money EVER, and I’m choosing…to starve, I just hope all these big decisions don’t take a toll on me. I’m not the kind of person who regrets stuff, never been, but I just hope I can keep on being like that in 20 years ’cause if not…well then I’m going to keep filling Mr. Shrinky’s pockets I guess 😆
God I missed blogging! I wanted to post since yesterday but I literally couldn’t type another word after finishing my damn chapter, but hey! I’m ready for the dreaded thesis seminar! My chapter has been approved and sent to all participants, so now I just have to sit back and wait for their death sentence opinion coming next Tuesday. I’ll let you now. Glad to be back y’all!
Welcome back. Wow you have alot going on. I am ready to leave and run away from the states!! I will take the job. Dont care what it is and I speak spanish!!! Lol follow your dream.
Thank you! I’ll put in a good word for you! lol
wow sounds like you have a lot going on, AND you have made lots of big choices and decisions too! thats great–you are (maybe)starting to really take control of your own life.
PS–i REALLY like the cartoon at the bottom–Anxiety Girl! thats so on target!!
Thanks Kat! I’m glad you liked it, I thought it was hilarious 🙂
Wow, big weekend /week for you, heck for anybody. Sounds like you did brilliantly and made some big choices that will ultimately make you happy, so I say hurray for you! :-Dalways good to hear you voice, have a great night and lovely week.
Sincerely
Benjamin
Thank you dear! How are you doing? Is Mr. F still giving you a hard time? Lots of hugs!
He left me alne today except for a breif brush on the shoulder during OT today. I think he just wanted to remin me at any second he could over take may day. I Hope your well today and many (((((((hugs))))))) to you too.
B
Wow yay to being done with the frankentheisis!! Not so yay to not eating..
Thank you! And…I know 😦
xo
Hi Chatte….Congratulations on finishing your thesis!!! That is an incredible feat! Also, good for you for being true to your dreams by choosing not to take the job that would pay more but lead you away from your dreams. Like Zoe above, I am a little concerned about the not eating thing…but I am hoping that now that you are finished your thesis, you will feel less pressure and stress in your life. Kim
Thanks Kim! I too hope I can just relax a little… Hugs!
Woohoo on getting the Frankenthesis down on paper!!! You may have revisions, but it should be so much easier from here on out! I am so pleased for you. 🙂
Now that the huge crunch is off, what are some ways that you can let go of the stress that you are sure to still be carrying around?
THANKS! And you’re right, I know this isn’t over, but I’m a hell lot closer ain’t I? Hope you’re having a good day sweetie, thinking of you…
You sure are closer! Really, it sounds like you have already done your first round of major revisions, so it should be so much easier from here on out!
I’m doing pretty well, thanks. Now, just to keep myself from freaking out about the fact that I am doing fine… 😉
How are you doing?
We missed you, too.
As for the decision, that’s a hard one not to fret over, but if you feel like it’s the right move, it’s the right move.
True. I need to remember to trust my instincts. xx
Yes. Unless your instinct tells you to run out into traffic. 😉
Lol I just hope my instincts are not too far down the rabbit hole
Hi! THis is my first time at your blog, and I have to say, it’s a nice blog well written. I will make it to read it and check in …. I love finding new friends and blog writers I can relate to …
Karen
Hi Karen, nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by, I’m glad you like my blog, I’m going to check out yours to 🙂
YAY 🙂 thank you and it’s nice to meet you 🙂
Congratulations on finishing!!! Awesome!! 🙂
Thanks J! I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it doesn’t feel so much like an unbearable burden. x