Kept in the dark

Tuesday didn’t paint to be a good day. An early appointment with parents pissed at me because their little ray of sunshine got a 6 in Oral Expression (kindda like a C-). Then,I had to get to the thesis seminar (though I did for a change do the readings and they happened to be exactly around my area, so I wasn’t too afraid of embarrassing myself for a change). But just before leaving work, we got called in for an unplanned meeting, yay! It was about how bad we teachers have been treated by the school recently. Apparently, some teachers went all Lenin on the owners, and so they thought it was a good idea to listen to all of us. However, and it’s really no surprise here, they offered no solution and just made (sort of) the compromise of treating us better.

So I was late for the sem, but it went all right, and right after it I got to talk to my tutor, and I actually said how hurt I was from her last email and why I didn’t respond to it. We cleared the air and made a new compromise for me to deliver the corrections in mid-August. I’ll be on vacations from both the school and the journals so I’ll have time to do this.

When I got home after this, I felt good about me. I’d being through three whole meetings without falling apart, and I was left standing, I didn’t make a fool of myself, and think I managed to maintain my dignity intact.

So, glad and relaxed that I’d not only survived a stressful day, but actually made it my bitch, I carelessly logged into my blog to write on it (this post has been on the draft box for 2 days) when a FB message popped into my phone. I usually only log into FB through the phone, most especially when it comes to reading inboxes, because I don’t appreciate all the distractions I have to dodge to get to the damned message someone sent me. But this time, as I was sitting on my bed with the phone and the computer right next to it, I chose to use the laptop. I don’t know why, I’m breaking my head but I honestly don’t know what made me take that crucial choice. However this apparently silly, trivial decision, has changed my life… well, everything is still the same, but it changes everything as well. My boat has been rocked.

I logged in to see the new message, and then I saw for the first time on that screen the existence of a secondary tab which does not appear on the inbox of my phone. It’s a tab for messages sent from people who you’re not friends with. I had 9 messages sitting there, 5 were spam, 3 were stalkers, and one… was different, and important. The thing is this message was sent almost a year ago! It had been sitting there on this unreachable place just patiently waiting for me to see it some day. And now, I’m dizzy. I’m angry, I’m scared, I’m betrayed. But I’m also nervous, I’m excited, and I’m hopeful. How can one even feel all these things at once?

Of course, the narration of me finding this ancient message only now was a delicious treat for Mr. Shrinky. He’s asked me to think about why I chose this time to read it. I didn’t agree. How could I choose to read or not something I never even knew existed!? Still, he said I should play with the idea. I’m trying to. How could things have been had I read it on time? Where was I a year ago? Where was the sender?

I have so much to think about, and well, I guess I have the time too. Time to ponder, measure, let so much new info settle in. And then I’ll do something. I don’t know what it’ll be, but eventually I’ll have to decide how this is going to change my life.

*I’m very sorry, but the next post, in which I’ll get into details about this message and who it came from, will be password protected, just to keep it from certain eyes. However, I invite all of my regular readers to share this with me, so if you don’t already have the password, you forgot it, or you just want to check (it’s still the same one I always use though), do send me a message for me to share it with you (I promise it won’t take me a year to read it!)

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7 thoughts on “Kept in the dark

  1. Pingback: Secrets. Fucking secrets. | not all about cats

  2. About 6 months ago, I got a friend request from a 1/2 cousin of mine that I haven’t seen since I was a teenager and I fear was also abused by my grandfather and possibly her dad as well. She said nothing, so I haven’t done anything with it. But this made me go and check that there weren’t any hidden messages from her. There weren’t.

  3. Glad the day went ok, hope you are ok. I think it’s really strange that they have a different section for messages from people you’re not friends with, FB doesn’t even notify you! xxx

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