My last post was written exactly 2 weeks ago, and I hate that. I’m going to work on posting at least once a week. I’ve also noticed that what little I’ve been writing, I’ve been doing so on Sunday evenings. I guess it’s my reflection moment of the week. To be more accurate, is one of my week’s reflective moments, but the only one that reaches me when I have enough time and will to turn into a post.

Two weeks are not much, and yet a lot has happened. Fed up with pain and swelling on my left hand, which only add up to the rest of the problems I’ve already had on my right one, I’ve been putting things in order to get mu surgery done (this means I’ve had to be asking for $ and support from people, not exactly a day in the park for me). When I came to see my orthopedist to start getting things ready, he found even more problems than the ones we were aware of,  so he asked me to get the usual pre-surgery labs done but threw a whole bunch of weird studies for me to get done… he wanted to discard lupus or any kind of rheumatic disease including rheumatic fever.

Truth be told, after the word “lupus” was thrown in I lost connection to what he was saying. I had no idea there could be a rheumatic kind of lupus. Hell, to me, the word rheumatic just meant that you could get rusty on summer, but oh boy! When one googles, one finds shit 😥 And shit will probably be scary and traumatic.  My appointment with the doctor was on Monday afternoon (the day after my last post actually) but I couldn’t get the tests done until Saturday morning ’cause I had to be fasted and without having brushed my teeth for the previous 8 hours, and then the results didn’t come back until past Wednesday so I had a whole week and a half to fill up my head with ghosts and what-ifs, but I didn’t want to, so unless I was working I pretty much spent that time sleeping.

In the end my results came back normal, so all I have to get done now is a hand MRI and wait for the insurance to approve the papers for my surgery… which is also not great but much better than the alternative: STILL getting surgery with extra painful recovery included, PLUS an autoimmune disease.

As I was telling Mr. Shrinky on Friday, with little emotion (as I seem to have lost all of them for the time being)*, that I was indeed glad not to have lupus or anything likewise, I realized this leaves me again questioning what exactly is wrong with me and my hands: apparently I’ve damaged the exact same ligament on my left wrist as I previously did on the right one, and this is not a common injury; and as I don’t really practice any kind of sport or activity that involves considerable use the use of my wrists, it is pretty strange how they got to be injured in this exact way.

Speaking out loud about these questions gave a cue for Mr. Shrinky to say something I bet he’d been wanting to say for some time: “So now it’s up to us -me and him- to find out here why this is happening to you, and to your hands”. Arrgghh! A statement like that really tests my tolerance with what I consider to be the line between the therapeutically objective issues, and the esoteric shenanigans I usually set myself aside from.

So that’s more or less where I am right now. I haven’t even talked about the more personal issues I’ve dealing with, but I hope to do so during the week, and then to be catching up on what used to be my blogging schedule.

Lots of hugs y’all!




*On the bright side, this lack of feelings has given me an almost anxiety/angst-free existence, so I guess it has been a break in a way.

9 thoughts on “Bazzinga!

  1. Okay, that sounds like one hell of a scarey week to me!! Thank goodness the tests came back with normal results. I have heard that vitamin B6 helps with MRI. I had shoulder and wrist issues that resolved themselves once I got my desk, computer and chair properly set up so my wrists were straight when I was working on the computer. Any chance you can do something about that?? Thinking about you…Kim

    • Yeap, it was a confusing time those days! The thing with my wrist is that I’ve been in treatment for almost 2 years, doing all sorts of therapies to avoid surgery, and it’s not only getting better but getting worse, so this is really like he las option. Thanks for stopping by Kim! xxx

  2. Hi Chatte… so good to see you posting. When we are not feeling “on top”, I think it is important not to push ourselves to write, although, sometimes, this does take a little discipline. If I am able to post 2-3 times per week, then I am happy. I’ve come across other bloggers who only post once per week and this works well for them. The people, who follow your blog, usually get an idea of when to expect your posts.

    That all sounds quite a scary week or two, but it’s good news all the test were clear. I hope that you’ll be able to organise surgery soon

    I know what it is like to live with pain. Oddly enough, I also have issues with my hands, but maybe not as bad as yours are. There is uncertainty if the pain originates in my neck or wrists, so I have sympathy with your situation.

    Sometimes, therapists do look into things too much. I cringe at some of the statements made over the years.

    • Thanks for thoughtful comment Cat. I really stopped blogging for a while. When I would be posting around 8 to 10 times a month early this year, I just posted twice in August, and that was pushing me too much already. But somehow it’s coming back to me, I hope t stays that way. And as I told you, reading your blog played an important part in it, though I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly why, I guess it’s related to the way you express your inner, sometimes mute (to the external world) suffering, as well as the dynamics of the relationship with your parents.
      I’m sorry you have hand issue too, sucks doesn’t it?


      • Sometimes I doubt my writing…berate myself for the crap content and boring delivery. WE can go through phases with writing and I do hope you can now reconnect with yours.

  3. Pingback: Some Sort of Personal Crisis | Thrifty Finn

  4. Hope you are doing ok – sorry for the late comment. Try to give yourself some rest – all of those tests would be stressful. Don’t worry about posting – just do it whenever you want to/can. Sending hugs xxx

Leave a thought...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s