Moving out, moving forward

Wow, things have been moving along rather fast! More on the rough edge that on the soft one, but still!

The mother attacked me last Friday. I was just chillin’ with BF when she came home turned into a maddening rage directed…at me. She was pissed because of traffic, she had had a very bad day, she had a headache, I don’t know…point is everything wrong in her life was my fault. She screamed and yelled and pushed. And her yells, wow, it’s not only the volume, it’s the fact that she can be that mean.

I wasn’t even following-up, I never even answered her. She was trying to piss me off because she wanted to fight, but I wouldn’t have it. That meant her insults became meaner and meaner. I started crying. It wasn’t like an active cry, I wasn’t sobbing or anything, but still tears were rolling down my face.

I started packing an overnight bag to go to BF’s, but then I realized her climax had passed, she had locked herself by now and she probably wouldn’t come back out. I put down my things, and took my decision: I wasn’t spending a night out like I had done something wrong. I was moving out, for sure.

I then proceeded to look for an apartment, and it was a lot trickier than I’d thought. But finally yesterday, I found what’s now to be my new home. I will be all alone with Hemingway and Silvester, and my excitement is starting to give way to some fears. I will be signing a one year contract with a stranger, I will not be able to back out. What if I find I’m not able to pay for gas, or electricity, let alone the phone bill or the internet. What if I can’t manage to but my groceries. What if I find I can pay, but I forget to! I know hat wouldn’t surprise anyone, but the other way around would.

The fact that it seems I’m finally about to get paid at Mount Olympus doesn’t hurt either, and that’s great! I’ve also been very clear with the editors, I will now need that salary like the air I breathe. It will no longer be an extra, and if I see I’m not getting it, I will be forced to look for options, though I’m reeeeally hoping it doesn’t get to that, to leave that job would break me most probably.

In any case, I will probably be moving out next weekend, which means I have a week to pack for my few things (I think it’s not nearly an exaggeration to say I got rid of half of all my stuff when the mother and I moved in May), and get ready for a whole new experience, one I have no background knowledge for.

Cross your fingers for me!

Also, I suppose I’ll have more ramblings on the topic, so stay tuned 😉

 

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11 thoughts on “Moving out, moving forward

  1. Oh, wow. That’s a huge change. I’m so sorry for the impetus, but I can imagine that it could be very good for you in the end. Sending supportive moving thoughts. And hooray on getting paid!!!

  2. i know its a big thing, but like you realized, you can’t keep spending your life like you have done something wrong. you can’t keep allowing yourself to be abused. you are the only one who will take care of you, and that means you have to stop being in a position where you will be hurt–you have to protect you. and right now, that means moving out. and i can’t tell you how happy and excited i am to hear you are embarking on this journey! i know moving out the first time is huge, even if the situation was positive. this move is indeed a rite of passage (for anyone) and a step to protect yourself for you. this rite will see you go from ‘child’ to ‘adult’–meaning you make the decisions for yourself now (officially).

    I really think this is a positive and forward move, and that you will see it will be very beneficial. try to hang in there through the anxieties, worries and concerns, and you will come out on the other side of this move in a much better space. Good luck and warm and happy and positive thoughts sent your way!!

  3. Oh this is good. Budgeting, making sure you have enough – it’ll be okay. The big thing is not to be put in a place all the time where her traffic is your problem! And you’re going to love your new freedom – you really will! Lots of warm hugs!

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